


One in Twenty-Seven, One in Four

by lady_wordsmith



Series: Fire, Faith, and Love (Matt Murdock/Reader) [6]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguity, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Child Death, Child Murder, Child Neglect, Cultural Differences, F/M, Heavy Angst, Jewish Reader, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_wordsmith/pseuds/lady_wordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Matt recovers from the events of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/6569062">The Vigil</a>, he throws himself back into work.<br/>It's not his work as Daredevil that leads to a clash between you two, it's his latest court case. As a result, you reveal to Matt some long buried secrets.<br/>(This fic basically serves to introduce an arc that serves to do some world-building and also introduce later plot threads. Please be mindful that this fic involves heavy discussion of two separate incidents of offscreen child death.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	One in Twenty-Seven, One in Four

**Author's Note:**

> Useful notes and translations at the bottom as always.

By the time Matt had returned to the offices of Nelson and Murdock, it had been six weeks since he had awoken from his coma. He had stayed with you for most of that time, and he had refrained from being Daredevil in that space of time. But he was anxious to get back to work on both fronts, and you knew that you couldn’t stop him forever. You wouldn’t have wanted to stop him completely, but the recent problem had been a sobering experience for you. You urged Matt to be more careful, and then you let it go. You hoped and prayed to yourself, sneaking Matt into your frequent prayers, asking _HaShem_ to keep him safe even if he wasn’t one of the people, because one of the people loved him, and that should be enough for _Hashem_ for listen and maybe look out for him.

In the end, you supposed Daredevil hadn’t been the next trial _HaShem_ wanted you to endure. It was Matt himself, or rather, his latest court case.

* * *

You had heard about the case intermittently in the papers and kept your thoughts to yourself. It didn’t affect you, you told yourself, even as your fellow temple-goers raged at the matter. It was only when your uncle Durin had asked to speak with you and pulled you aside after Friday night temple service that you even gave much thought of it beyond a passing feeling of disgust and horror.

Durin wasn’t really your uncle, but he and _Opa_ had been friends in Germany, and Durin said that he owed your grandfather a life debt. You suspected this had something to do with the camps, but said nothing and called him Uncle Durin because he was family in _Opa_ ’s eyes and thus in yours. Officially Durin had been your grandfather’s primary attorney and then yours when _Opa_ passed and left you his empire, but unofficially Durin was your family’s eyes and ears. He had a head for business and knew things seemingly before they would happen. He had been a great counsel to you in navigating your _Opa_ ’s holdings, and a great counsel on life in general, willing to guide your grandfather’s fortune to new heights while letting you pursue your own career. So when Durin pulled you aside, you were willing to listen.

He sighs and frowns at you. “That _goy_ you’re seeing. The lawyer.” He said.

“His name’s Matthew, Uncle Durin.” You frown back. Durin had been happy for you when you told him about Matt, but the tone he had now suggested being less than pleased.

“He’s Catholic, yes? With all that implies?”

“I suppose.” You had never really asked how devout Matt was, whether his opinions on life matters lined up with the Catholic Church, but you supposed he was flexible enough. He was dating you, after all, and engaging in a very satisfying premarital sex life. “Uncle Durin, I don’t understand.”

“He’s defending that girl.” Durin told you, making a sound as if to spit on the whole matter. “The one who killed her baby.”

You frown again. “He must believe she’s innocent, then.” You know Matt’s lie detector abilities would help him tell of a client’s innocence, and while the case disgusted you on a primal level, you were willing to trust Matt.

Durin frowns and shakes his head at you, pulling a newspaper out of his coat. Right on the front page was a picture of Matt and Foggy, giving a statement to reporters. The headline and beginning of the article make you gasp.

They were making an argument for diminished capacity. You know that means one thing. They weren’t denying that that… _woman_ killed her baby at all. You give the paper back at Durin and look at him, trying not to cry. Trying not to think about a decade earlier, of Raviv and Raziela’s little brother.

“I… I need to go, Uncle Durin.” You manage to stutter out.

Durin nods.

“I’m truly sorry, _Spätzchen_. _Gott sei mit dir_.” He tells you, but you shake your head as you walk away.

* * *

You run into Matt and Foggy as they’re leaving Josie’s that night. It’s only been an hour or so since Durin had shown you the paper, and you’re uncertain how you feel, too many emotions conflicting at you. Rage, anger, disgust, hurt, pain.

You know Matt can feel it, sense it in your heartbeat and body. He’s sober in an instant and serious, though Foggy laughs and greets you with a hug.

“What a surprise!” Foggy says to you.

You manage a small, brittle smile.

“Yeah.” It’s all you manage to say.

Matt manages to convince Foggy to go home, that you will take care of him, which makes Foggy laugh as he leaves you two to catch a cab. Neither of you speak as you walk Matt back to your place. It’s only when the two of you are inside and the door is shut behind you that you even say the thing on the tip of your tongue.

“Why?”

“You’re going to have to help me out, sweetheart.” Matt has removed his sunglasses and you can see the look of concern on his face.

“Your latest case? The woman who killed her baby?” you say, your voice raising the tiniest bit. “Diminished capacity, Matt?”

“I thought you would understand-“ Matt says, but you cut him off.

“I _do_ understand! I’m Jewish, I understand this better than you can possibly imagine!”

“He was sick-“

“With a completely preventable genetic disease! Ashkenazi Jews have known for ages that Tay-Sachs runs high in our population, and we’ve taken steps to prevent the disease as much as we can. We’re the group that popularized testing for genetic conditions! Shit, getting a screening is practically another rite of passage for a Jewish girl!”

By this point tears are running down your face and Matt is trying to hold you, but you fight your way out of his embrace. Matt stands there, letting you continue.

“She had to know her own status as a carrier, if not her husband’s. They were both Ashkenazi Jewish, right? They knew the risks. They knew their risks and their options. They would have known after an amniocentesis or a chorionic villus sampling, Matt! If they had genetic screening beforehand, they had options to avoid it all together. So don’t tell me this caught her by surprise. That’s bullshit, and she gave birth to that baby anyway. And then she let him suffer with Tay-Sachs until she couldn’t take it anymore. All those choices, and that’s what your damn client went with?”

You stop, taking deep breaths. Your ranting has worn you out. You’re sure your hair and face are a mess and your face must be red from yelling and crying. When Matt embraces you this time, you don’t fight.

“I know you don’t agree with this.” Matt says. “I knew once we got the case you might have… personal feelings.”

You manage a small snort at that. Matt kisses your temple and continues.

“I don’t know everything I should about your heritage. I admit it.” He says. “But I won’t apologize for trying to do what I think is the right thing here. She doesn’t deserve prison.”

“She killed her baby, Matt. If the idea of dealing with a Tay-Sachs child was too much, she could have gotten an abortion.” You pull out of his embrace as Matt seems to bristle.

Neither of you speak for a long moment. You’re the one to break the silence.

“I know you’re Catholic and probably think abortion is unthinkable, but in Judaism, we think differently. Do you know that if a child is less than thirty days old when it dies, most traditions don’t even go through the traditional mourning rituals? Abortion is acceptable in Jewish religious law, and sometimes even required if the mother’s life is at risk. The Talmud is pretty clear on that last bit. We would prefer an abortion over a lot of things, and a child having a disease that makes them suffer the way Tay-Sachs does would probably fit the criteria.”

You pause, biting your lip. Matt looks in your direction, raising his eyebrows, and you know he senses something in your body language that suggests the matter runs deep for you.

“I’ve told you about my friend Raviv, right?” you ask.

“The one who almost became a rabbi.” Matt says, nodding. You smile a little before continuing.

“I’ve been good friends with him and his sister Razi -Raziela- since the tail end of middle school. Their mother was pregnant our freshmen year. He… His name was Levi.”

“He had Tay-Sachs.” Matt says softly, reaching out to place a hand on your arm.

You nod. “Yes,” you say, not rejecting his touch. “He did.”

Matt moves you gently and carefully to your couch. He holds you and you sink into it, neither of you speaking for what seems like forever.

“They knew.” You say finally. “The rate of being an unaffected carrier for Tay-Sachs is about one in twenty-seven, and both of them were carriers, Raviv and Razi’s parents. That meant they had a one in four chance of having a child with Tay-Sachs. Raviv and Raziela are both carriers, I think. Raziela is, for sure. Rav’s never been genetically tested, but he has a fifty-fifty shot of being a carrier. It’s not important to him, he doesn’t want children anyway. But Levi…”

“He was the one in four chance.” Matt finished for you. “Why didn’t they…”

“I don’t know. Chorionic villus sampling was common practice by then, since it’s performed earlier than amniocentesis. They would likely have had one or the other done, given their histories. Maybe they felt abortion wasn’t an option. Not the first time Jews disagreed with an option.” You snort in derision.

“He was okay when he was born, almost all babies with Tay-Sachs are. When he was about four or five months, the symptoms started. He started to backslide, developmentally. He lost his motor skills and he would… he would **twitch** , and he was so weak. His eyes… there were these spots in them, red. Like cherries.” You say, shaking as the tears hit you, unable to stop even as Matt holds you. His own eyes are shining with tears. “He was blind and deaf by the end, and he didn’t respond to anything at all. He would just sit there in between those twitches, and eventually the twitches became seizures and he had them all the time.”

You look up at Matt, tears smearing on your face and blurring your vision. Your voice has become hoarse from your earlier yelling and present crying.

“I was there, the night he died. Me and Raziela.” You rasp out. “His parents… They were out on a fucking **date**. Your kid has a life expectancy between two and four years old, is smack dab in the middle of that life expectancy, and you go on a fucking date and leave your high-school-aged daughter and her friend to watch him? I hated them after that, so fucking much.”

You take a deep breath.

“I tried so hard, you know? He had a seizure, and it kept going. It wouldn’t **stop**. Razi called 911 and I put Levi on his side, the way they tell you to in first aid class. I loosened his clothes and kept his mouth clear but he kept seizing and vomiting and I couldn’t do anything, and then when he stopped he wasn’t **breathing** and I tried CPR the way the 911 operator said but it didn’t work and I felt him **die** and…”

You’re all out bawling by this point, and Matt is making comforting noises and holding you tightly, as if he’s trying to be a shield against the memory of little Levi dying in your care, under your hands.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Matt whispers fiercely, and you can feel his tears combining with your own. “It was never your fault. You say the parents know the risks, right?” you nod. “They knew the risks, and they choose to leave a dying child in the care of you and your friend. You were just teenagers, sweetheart. You shouldn’t have had to been the one to deal with that.”

“So why is your client different? She knew the risks, and she not only had her baby, she killed him herself.”

“I… I don’t know. I know she doesn’t deserve prison. Not after having to face all of that.”

You bite your lip. Maybe Matt’s client doesn’t deserve prison. Maybe she felt the way you did, maybe she had had to deal with multiple seizures like the one Levi had the night he died. Maybe she thought the disease wasn’t as bad as they said when she was pregnant and felt horror when she realized her mistake. Maybe her baby suffered even worse than Levi. You had heard whispers of such cases. You sighed.

“You and I are probably never going to see eye-to-eye on this particular case, are we?” you ask.

“Maybe we both understand a little better now than when we started.” Matt tells you. “I’m not dropping the case.”

“I wouldn’t ask that.” You tell him. “She deserves the best defense, and the best lawyer.”

“And that’s me?” Matt asks, managing a small smile that you return.

“Yes.” You say simply. “Matt?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“If… I never told you this, before. I never felt we reached that point, even when you mentioned marriage and children that one time. It never felt real, until now.”

“About Levi?”

You shake your head. “No, not… not quite. I mean, yes, Levi’s story is an important part of my life, but… Matt, I’m a carrier for Tay-Sachs.”

He keeps holding you. It’s a good sign. But he doesn’t say anything.

“Matt?” you ask, hesitantly, fearfully.

“I already knew. Suspected, at least.” He tells you. “You felt way too strongly about this case for it to simply be about your shared Jewish heritage, and I know you make regular donations to charities dedicated to researching and curing Tay-Sachs. It wasn’t a hard leap.”

“Does that complicate the case for you?” you ask.

Matt shakes his head.

“If we were married, yes, it would. But not as it stands right now. All the same, Foggy’s probably going to be taking the lead on this. Because of your… notoriety-“

“My grandfather’s notoriety, you mean?”

Matt nods. “Because of that, and the fact the press knows us both and the fact that we’re… connected the way we are, Foggy’s taking the case to avoid any hint of impropriety.”

“So I yelled at you tonight for no reason?” you ask.

“No. I’m still helping with the case, and I was the one to suggest this defense. I…I would have still suggested the defense even if you had come to me with all this before.” He says.

“I can accept that, I think.” You pause, biting your lip. “Matt, if we had children, they would, at the very least, be carriers. The incidence of unaffected Tay-Sachs carriers in the general population is much lower than in the Jewish communities and a few others, but it’s not out of the question. I-“

Matt cuts you off with a kiss. It feels comforting and gentle, but at the same time, there’s a hint of desperation you don’t quite understand.

“I love you.” Matt tells you when he pulls away. “You said you were willing to face anything with me, right? You’ve told me that multiple times.”

“Yes,” you breathe out.

“I’m willing to face anything with you too, sweetheart. You said you believed that we were soulmates. If I wasn’t willing to face everything life could throw at us, I’d be a pretty shitty soulmate to you. We’ll deal with this when it happens, but I won’t leave you because of your carrier status.”

“Matt, if I was pregnant with a child and they were found to have Tay-Sachs-“

“I know,” he asks, reaching to grasp your hands tightly in his. “I… You’re the most important person in my life, sweetheart, and I would never ask you to go through that again.”

The two of you stay quiet after that, holding each other. You know that you haven’t quite resolved all the issues you brought up tonight, and that some won’t be resolved until you face the possibility of having children. But you feel like you and Matt have made some important headway tonight, and your relationship is still strong.

Maybe you haven’t weathered the storm completely. But for now, it seems you and Matt could face anything together.

**Author's Note:**

> -The title refers to the incidence of being a carrier of Tay-Sach disease in the Ashkenazi Jewish population and the chance of a child inheriting Tay-Sachs from carrier parents, respectively.  
> - _HaShem_ : See [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6569062#work_endnotes).  
> -"The people" and "One of the people": Some Jewish people often use this phrasing to refer to themselves as G-d's chosen people.  
> - _Opa_ : See [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6256051#work_endnotes)  
> -"The camps": Concentration camps, obviously. The Reader Character previously referred to "most of [her] family" as German in [Talking in Bed](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6351661), and obliquely referred to the camps in the same work (the "plucking tales of the family tree" comment). Here, it's made explicit her grandfather (and the family friend she speaks to) survived the camps.  
> - _goy_ : See [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6256051#work_endnotes)  
> - _Spätzchen_ : German for "little sparrow." As mentioned [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6569062#work_endnotes), Sparrow and its German variant (which would be _Spätz_ ) are nicknames for the Reader Character. Friends and others of her grandparents' generation (as Durin is) would likely refer to her as "little sparrow" in German or English.  
> - _Gott sei mit dir_ : "God be with you" in German. I might not have it in correct grammatical form here, as I was always horrible at verb conjugation.  
> -Facts about Tay-Sachs: As mentioned above, the possibility of being a carrier is ridiculous high in the Ashkenazi Jewish population (of which the Reader Character is considered part of, being German). In comparison, the general population rate of being a carrier is one in 250 (as reported [ here](https://www.jewishgenetics.org/tay-sachs-disease)). It's considered common among Jewish people in general but the Ashkenazim in particular. Other ethnic groups with high carrier rates are the Cajun population of southern Louisiana and French Canadians (with rates comparable to that of the Jewish population), and, unknown to the characters,[ Irish-Americans](http://www.tay-sachs.org/taysachs_disease.php) (odds about one in fifty). Matt's Irish-American. See the problem?  
> This may or may not come up later. Why am I telling you guys this? The possibility of dramatic irony gives me immense writer pleasure.  
> Anyway, the links provided contain more info on Tay-Sachs, including symptoms and options.  
> -Jewish views on abortion: as mentioned in the story, the Talmud (see below) allows for abortion, and even requires it if the mother's life is in danger. Individual views can vary, but overall Judaism is pretty clearly okay with abortion (also birth control in general as long as a couple plans to have children eventually. Condoms are iffy, though: as birth control, generally a no-no as it blocks the passage of the seed, though most rabbis would tell you condoms as a method of STD and AIDS prevention is alright).  
> -Matt's views on abortion: Matt may be Catholic, but that doesn't mean he's an absolute follower. In this series, he's not against abortion, per se. He believes abortion is a woman's own business, but he also feels insanely conflicted due to his super senses making it possible to hear an unborn child's heartbeat. Add in this new-ish information on the Reader Character, and he has the potential for more conflict (though he believes at present his potential children only have the possibility of being carriers, he doesn't know about general carrier rates and rates in Irish-Americans).  
> -The Talmud: A central text of Rabbinical Judaism. Nine times out of ten, when a Jew refers to the Talmud, they are referring to the Babylonian Talmud ( _Talmud Bavli_ ), though there was an earlier collection referred to as the Jerusalem or Palestinian Talmud ( _Talmud Yerushalmi_ ). The Talmud expands on the Hebrew bible, and serves as the basis for Jewish law.


End file.
